Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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