"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She announced her abortion via fbk
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
