Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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