I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
