i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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