I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
