first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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