There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
