its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
