fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
