I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize