mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
