I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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