Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
