Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
