Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
