So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
