So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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