his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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