I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
