I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
