Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize