i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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