wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
