why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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