I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
