Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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