if you like me you must not know who I am
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
