No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize