she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
