Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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