If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
