I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
