Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
