You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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