I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
this hospital has no fireball
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize