glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize