When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
