so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize