Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i need some magic done to my vagina
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
