he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
