I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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