his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
