My hand turned me down
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize