I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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