like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
