Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
