Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
