Someone shit on the floor
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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