I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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