Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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