A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
