The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
