My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
