Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
