I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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