I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
