there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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