He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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