Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
