First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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