so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
