oh god the rape fog is back!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
