You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
