I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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