Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
