can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
