Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
