Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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