I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
