She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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