i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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