i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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