You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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