We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize