I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
