Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just high enough for therapy.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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