just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
