I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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