The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just blew my weed a kiss
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
